Academic Pressure

Almost a month has passed and I still feel so pressured and depressed with my academic performance. The worsening traffic every Tuesday and Thursday morning even ‘added more fuel to the fire’. I was almost late a lot of times for my 7:30 class. I also walked a lot of times and used the bridge just to arrive on time. I just proved that walking is really sometimes faster than riding a car (especially during traffic). The u-turn thing is really the bottleneck, the main problem of all traffic on that road. It was a good thing I still arrive in the classroom earlier than the professor for about 1-2 minutes and so I was not yet marked late. All subjects still really freak me out, especially that wciv prof and subject. Seriously, as much as I wanted to admire and praise the prof and the subject, but they really drive me nuts! It seems that I have to work extra harder on adjusting.

As much as I wanted to hang out with my new classmates, I still feel a very big gap between them and me. That is why I resort to having lunch and hanging out with my former classmates. Although we are now taking up different classes and majors, I still manage to see and eat lunch with some of them because we have same lunch breaks. I also got closer with my two former classmates who filed for LOA last semester and returned this semester. Too bad I cannot eat lunch anymore with my 1st year lunch mates because of the different schedules.

Despite the depressing situations, I still had some fortunate events like surviving a bio report that turned out to be an ‘impromptu report’. I wasn’t prepared for that report on that day because I thought that the reporting day was still far as I was the last to report. It turned out that all reports should be finished on that day. I planned everything. I wanted my report to be the greatest of them all and beat that much-praised report of my rival. I wasn’t really prepared that day! It was also the only day that I forgot my biobook! Fortunately, I remembered that I was always bringing a bio summary leaflet. It was a good thing that my topic was there! Although it was quite too comprehensive, I used it anyway. When I reported and continued to report on the more comprehensive part, my prof already told me to stop and commented that I was “well-prepared”! I can’t believe that I was able to project an illusion to my prof that I was well-prepared. Was it the comprehensive report? Was it my speech? Was it my confidence? Perhaps it was really a divine intervention. I will never forget that event. I learned my lesson to prepare my reports as soon as it was assigned to me and never let that impromptu event happen again.

Lastly, I already started working in church for my nstp subject. I finally began to feel that I have a role and purpose to fulfill in church. Although I was uncertain and doubtful at my first day, I managed to get on it and finally feel and listen to God’s calling.

I am still hoping that I would soon get adjusted in my academics and feel optimistic about things again…

A Challenge

School started already. My first day of school was just fine. I met new classmates and potential buddies, new teachers and I have also seen my former blockmates. I am really starting to miss my blockmates and our bonding. It has really happened. We are finally on our chosen careers. I am a bonafide student of my college and officially an i.s. student. Although I am happy and hopeful about facing the future, I am still quite in a freshman life hang-over. I still have vivid memories of my first year life and I am still reflecting how fast time really flies that I almost did not notice that I have finally reached the end of my first year life. It is now time for me to move on and do my best this time.

At first, I was comfortable enough to face the tough sophomore life. But eventually, I have found out that it is definitely very different from what I have seen, felt and experienced during my freshman year. The teachers are different and very "high" that I easily got intimidated and pressured. They are expecting a lot from us and because of the pressure, I tend to become pessimistic. Although I really tried hard to understand and be optimistic about it, I still felt that there is something wrong. I felt very alone and pressured. The subjects are very difficult and painful to hear! Being an i.s. major, as what I have been hearing is indeed difficult, and I can feel it already! It is just the first days of my sophomore life and yet, I feel so pressured, tired, exhausted, and even frightened. the feeling that I have been trying to conceal worsened even more when I saw the dl posted and found out that I am not really what I thought I am. Despite my own effort to think positive, my mind still kept bugging me with a lot of negative thoughts. Will I be able to reach my goal again? Or will I just always remember the good old days while I see myself slowly falling and distancing from the materialization of my goals? I really feel so bad about not making it last 1st-2nd. The one who toppled me off must be having a bloated head right now, what she doesn't know is that she is not afterall one of the chosen three. Despite telling that to boost back my confidence, I still can't control myself in resenting that the 1st-2nd list will be the basis for the d.a. awarding ceremony. I am also quite challenged and threatened with my smart classmates, and also with my higher-level-classmates. I also feel so alone because most of the people I know have better schedules than mine. Other courses are also much easier that what I am taking, thus giving me a very low confidence that i will make it on 2nd-1st and 2nd-2nd.

It seems that my confidence and my intelligence level are very down these past few days since the start of the sem. I feel so vulnerable, stupid, weak and down. I hope I can still boost myself and find hope once again...

I miss my summer vacation! I feel so tired with my schedule! My schedule is really difficult! I hope I can still make it on top on 2nd-1st and 2nd-2nd. I wish and hope and pray that I will still be an h-s next year.

Huh... another year, another challenge. I know that in someway, somehow, I'll make it...

God... help me please!!!

New Chapter, New Hope

I finally have my blog... yey!

Classes will start on Wednesday. I am excited but nervous. New challenges are waiting for me. I don't have to rush anything. I don't have to stress myself. I will just have to enjoy my college life while focusing on what I want in life. There is nothing to worry about. I did it last time... and I will do it again this time... in God's will...

I can do it... I will do it... Do or do not. There is no try...